S3:E12 — Margaret Cho

I know I'm not the most attractive man in the world, when women look at me I can tell they're over-dressing me with their eyes.

I was raised in a broken home, my father was a drunk carpenter.

I had a wild night last night, I was in an orgy.

It was me, my iPad, my laptop and my TV while my phone watched.

I've never been on top of the latest trends. When everyone was burning CDs I was still burning books.

A friend of mine said that his biggest fear is that ISIS or some terrorist group like that will get hold of a dirty bomb and explode it over a major city within the United States and kill tens of millions of people...

...because then the blowback against innocent muslims would be absolutely terrible.

I'm taking a fascinating class all about the Hollywood Freeway. It's called 101: 101.

Mrs. Donald J. Trump fresh from a plagiarism scandal is facing a different kind of heat. A racy photo spread from '95 has emerged with photos of Melania Trump lying nude in a bed as another naked model embraces her from behind just below her breasts which are fully exposed. Another photo shows the other naked model in sheer stockings, a low-cut bustier and high-heels raising a whip as if prepaing to spank Melania who pretends to recoil. Jeez, who does Melania think she is, Mamie Eisenhower?!

Crowds in Brazil greeted arriving Olympians with signs reading 'Welcome to Hell'. Their local Chamber of Commerce really needs to brush up on the basics.

There's no hard evidence that flossing helps your teeth much, scientists now say, though they add that it is a great activity for people who enjoy tedious repetitious drudgery.

A heatwave striking in New York has caused horse manure to spontaneously combust, so for the first time in history you can explain why New York City smells like a flaming pile of horseshit.

TBS is developing a Notorious BIG inspired comedy series which I guess explains their new slogan:

TBS - Fucking Dogshit

Last week Pope Francis paid a sombre visit to Auschwitz which surprised me because I thought he was one of those fun ghosts.