S3:E8 — Dana Carvey

A new study shows that dogs can tell when people are doling out fake praise, so I guess that's the one thing that differentiates my dog from Adam Eget.

You know what they say, opinions are like assholes. I wanna suck them all!

My girlfriend's mad at me right now. Last night during sex I yelled the name of her ex-boyfriend.

Nice fella!

I'm not saying that your trusty sidekick, Adam Eget, is dumb but on his contract where it said 'Sign here' he wrote 'Capricorn'

One story from the book of Haddith reports how the prophet Mohammed joked with a boy called Abu 'Umayr who was playing with a small sparrow. One day the prophet saw the child looking sad and so asked 'Why do I see Abu 'Umayr looking sad?'. One of the villagers told him that the nughayr sparrow that he used to play with had died, wherupon the prophet began to gently joke with the child to bring him out of his melancholy saying 'Oh, Abu 'Umayr what happened to the nugayr?'

Note: In Arabic this is a play on words because of the rhyme between the boy's name Abu 'Umayr and that of the diminuitive bird nughayr.

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized she was heading straight toward his seat. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his.

Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurted out, "Business trip or pleasure?"

She turned, smiled, and said, "Business. I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston."

He swallowed hard. Here was this most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs! Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business at this convention?"

"Lecturer. I use the information I've learned from my personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."

"Really?" he said. "What kind of myths are there?"

"Well, one popular myth says that African American men are the most well endowed of all men, when in fact it's the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Jewish descent who are the best. I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck."

Suddenly, the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said. "I shouldn't really be discussing this with you. I don't even know your name."

"It's Tonto," the man said, "Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba!"