S1:E3 — Fred Stoller

Albert Fish was born May 19th in New York City in 1870. He was known as 'The Gray Man' and 'The Werewolf of Wisteria'. He was a serial killer who slayed children and ate them. When police asked a woman to describe him she said he was "gray in both appearance and demeanour". The child rapist and cannibal Fish boasted that he had children in every state. He only chose victims who were either mentally handicapped or African American. Fish tortured, mutilated and murdered the youngsters with a meat cleaver, a butcher's knife and a small handsaw, solidifying his reputation as the most vicious child slayer in criminal history. Though barely literate, Fish wrote taunting letters to the parents of his victims gruesomely detailing how he slayed, butchered, cooked and then with great enjoyment dined on their offspring. He would inevitably declare that a child's roasted rump was the most toothsome dish in all gastronomy. Additionally, Fish was a masochist and would insert wool doused with lighter fluid into his own anus and set it alight for his own enjoyment. Fish was finally arrested and he immediately began confessing to killing 700 children. He was dizzyingly happy, smiling as he described the grisly details of the tortures and the murders appearing to the detectives 'as the devil himself'... I mean this guy was a real jerk!

The obituaries are concerning me because people are dying in alphabetical order.

Former pornstar Jenna Jameson was arrested this weekend after allegedly assaulting someone. This may be the most damaging thing to happen to her image since her 16 year career in pornography.

Why did the moron throw the clock out the window?

Because it reminded him of Richard Clock - the man convicted of knife-raping his wife.

Veterinarians in Colorado have reported that marijuana use is on the rise among dogs. They say you will know if your dog is too high if it starts making a really tall sandwich.

My doctor told me I should start juicing. The problem is I don't think he meant ham juice.

I'm so fat that when I get my shoes shined I have to take the bootblack's word for it!

Porn actor Ron Jeremy is back at work after having open-heart surgery. The name of his next feature is called 'I'm Going to Have to Sit Down for Most of This'

Dance like no one is watching.

Sing like no one is listening.

Love like you've never been hurt.

And fuck like a goddamn retard.

How many Polish guys does it take to screw in a lightbulb.

The question can not be answered because Polish people are so fucking stupid that no matter how many of them are available none of them would ever be able to complete that simple task.

How many comedians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to do it, and the other to go "How long's he been up there?"

My brother-in-law is so stupid, he came up with a bucket list.

Know what the first thing on his bucket list was? Committing suicide.

Have you heard about the four NFL players that are coming out of the closet? It's about time I think. I think it's high time. Because isn't it strange that nobody's come out of closet in the entire sport of football? Where there's 2000+ players? So there's a great deal of speculation on who those four openly gay players will be. Nobody knows.

My guess is it's those four that are always sucking each others cocks.

Because of droughts all over Europe, scientists are predicting a global shortage of olive oil.

Soon the world will know how Popeye felt after the death of his wife.

It takes forever to get a pilot's license, but it only takes a couple of minutes to steal a pilot's jacket and hat.

Barbara Walters is planning to announce her retirement, what's next for Babs?

Death.